First-date bill debate sharpens as dating costs climb

Rising dating costs are reviving a familiar question: split the first-date bill, let the asker pay, or treat paying as a romantic gesture.

The question of who should pay on a first date is becoming harder to separate from the cost of dating itself, as restaurant prices, £15 cocktails and app subscriptions add pressure to what is often meant to be a casual night out.

Adults in the UK spend more than £111 a month on dates and dating apps — more than £1,300 a year — according to Barclays research from 2025 cited in a BBC report. For younger adults, the cost is a particular obstacle, with more than half of Gen Z adults saying the expense affects their ability to go on dates.

The result is a familiar etiquette debate with modern financial stakes. Some daters still prefer to split the bill. Others say the person who proposed the date should expect to pay. And despite changing expectations around gender roles, some still see a man paying as a sign of effort rather than dependence.

Jennifer Read-Dominguez, a digital editor who is single, told the BBC she believes the person who asks for the first date should be ready to cover it. She said women “can absolutely foot the bill themselves but that’s not the point,” describing the gesture as less about money than thoughtfulness.

For Jennifer, the price of the venue matters less than whether it is chosen sensibly. She recalled a date at an expensive restaurant where the man complained about the bill, suggested splitting it, then had his card declined. She paid for the meal and said he never reimbursed her, leaving her feeling used.

Yasmin El-Saie, a London content creator, said she would be put off if a man expected to split the bill on a first date. She described paying as a way of making a date feel comfortable and looked after, while adding that she is happy to contribute later in the evening, such as buying drinks after dinner.

Others see the rule less through gender and more through clarity. Jamie Rutter, 32, who works in finance, said that as a queer person, traditional assumptions about who pays do not always apply. His approach is simple: if he asks someone out, he expects to pay; if someone asks him out, he expects to pay his half.

Jamie said he now prefers lower-pressure first dates such as coffee and a walk, where people can talk without a large bill hanging over the evening. The most successful approach, he suggested, is not a universal rule but an honest conversation about budget before the date becomes awkward.